When I walked into Home Depot with a single Gucci stiletto in my handbag, I knew I was going to get some odd looks at the paint counter. What I didn’t anticipate, was causing a total scene involving gates, a Hazmat crew, and some rather angry checkout ladies.

As discussed in Part 1 of my DIY series, I decided to paint my front door the same color as one of my fave pairs of stilettos. Granted, it has taken me awhile to get around to actually starting le project, but it’s not like my front door is going anywhere, right? So last Saturday I decided to finally bite the bullet and get to work.

Walking into Home Depot, I figured that surely people have asked the paint guys to match paint colors to much odder objects than a shoe, right? Wrong. The guy at the paint counter looked at me like I was crazy when I nonchalantly sat my stiletto on the counter and asked him to do the “paint match thingy” and give me a gallon of semi-gloss that matched my Gucci. He looked at the shoe, looked at me, and then had the nerve to tell me he didn’t want to touch it! It’s not like I was asking him to handle smelly gym shoes: this was a pristine patent leather Gucci that spenda most of its time being toted between points A and B in a dust bag. I finally talked him into putting it in the “paint match thingy” only to have the machine produce an ugly shade of red. So my new buddy, the paint dude, and I went to plan B: perusing existing paint palettes. I actually managed to find a pretty close match with Jasmine’s Gems from Behr’s Disney collection.

All awkward business finished, I figured I would just do self-checkout and head on my merry way. I scanned my painting accessories and then went to scan the can of paint, only to have “Jasmine’s Gems” gush all over the self-checkout machine and pretty much everything else in sight. Apparently dear, sweet paint dude had not properly fastened the lid on the can of paint. Obviously this

The "Secured Area"

disaster was not my fault (for once), but the clean-up crew sure acted like it was! As if it’s not embarrassing enough to spill paint everywhere, the little old lady on self-checkout patrol got on her walkie-talkie and paged someone to “secure the area” and that they had “a potentially hazardous situation.” At this point, I wanted nothing more than to silently sneak out of the store, but I still needed to get more paint! I went back over to paint dude, who watched the whole scene go down, and had to ask for a new gallon because somehow my lid was not secure and it spilled EVERYWHERE. I swear he smirked as he handed me my new can of paint. All I have to say is he had just better be glad that none of the paint got on the infamous Gucci’s, because my wrath would have been far worse than those checkout ladies.

Needless to say, I’m not going back to that Home Depot for a while…

“Come out and join us as we pack a simple shoebox gift that (can change) a needy child’s life forever.”

-Michael Alder, Martinsburg, WV

There’s nothing like opening a new  shoebox and glancing down at a fresh pair of stilettos that have yet to be marred by city sidewalks and sudden downpours. As time passes, though, so does that new stiletto thrill, and more often than not that same magical shoebox is tossed aside or trashed. But for a less fortunate child, a shoebox from Operation Christmas Child (OCC), can hold items that are much more magical than any pair of Manolos.

Operation Christmas Child is a Samaritan’s Purse project that delivers goody-filled shoeboxes to children around the world.   You’ll also be able to track your shoeboxes to see where they go, and I think it’s safe to say that your shoebox will cover far more miles than your stilettos ever will. Collection week  runs until November 23, so if you don’t have any extra shoeboxes I think this is an excellent excuse to acquire a new one   Participating in OCC takes only 5 steps that, truth be told, are probably easier than walking in 5 inch heels.

1. Find a shoebox (like that will be hard)

2. Figure out if your gift is for a boy or girl

3. Fill ‘er up!

4. Include a $7 donation (it’s only $7, I know you spend more than that on martinis)

5. Find a drop off location by clicking here.

Not to mention, why hide your shoes in boxes anyway?!  Empty those shoe boxes, put your shoe collection on display, and start filling those shoeboxes for OCC!

However, I guess this means Henry is going to have to find a new bed

 When I think of bankers, my pea brain conjures up a very straight-laced image of tailored suits, briefcases, and proper black loafers: think the guys from the Fidelity Fiduciary song in Mary Poppins. 

Imagine the shock, wonder, and amazement I experienced yesterday when I was at the bank and  my favorite teller, Ben, told me that he was wearing boots, platform boots, to work today! I was in a rush, so sadly I didn’t have time to ask for a full description of his footwear. I’m hoping to find some banking matters to tend to today, so I can catch a glimpse (and hopefully a photo) of his Halloween heels. I’m really hoping they look something like these gold sparkly platforms.

Needless to say, any company that understands shoes need not be serious–especially around Halloween–is a place I want to do business!  

P.S. It never ceases to fascinate me how some guys actually manage to walk (or run!) quite well in heels, yet I still see young ladies that can’t seem to walk without wobbling…

At the Greater Washington Sports Alliance (GWSA) 2009 Sneakerball that “chick” may have been Sheila C. Johnson, Lindsay Czarniak, or Cristy Oglevee.

Sheila C. Johnson (pictured right)

For 6 years running the GWSA has honored outstanding members of D.C.’s sport’s community at this unique black tie event that encourages attendees to wear tennies with their tuxes! But I had to wonder, do women actually ditch their stilettos for sneakers?

As I approached the venue in my pink sparkly Converse, I was slightly apprehensive; however, my fears were assuaged as I saw not just men, but many women sporting sneakers as well. I talked to several women who fessed up that they too were afraid they would be the only heeless gals, but in the end swapped their pumps for Pumas anyway. Quite a few ladies, though, could not part with their heels and sported some killer stilettos. The hands-down most asked question of the night? Why on earth WOULDN’T you wear sneakers?! Most of the guys assumed it

Mike Easby, Mrs. DC Deanna McCray, and Justin Scango

was a vanity issue, but Mrs. DC, Deanna McCray raised a very valid point. Her evening gowns are hemmed for heels (as are most of ours), so wearing sneakers would leave her dress dragging on the floor. She promised she tried–and wanted to–wear sneakers, but they just wouldn’t work.

As for the guys and gals that sported sneakers, there were some very impressive shoes! Converse were probably the most popular choice as one can find them in an array of colors and textures. I also discovered that Nike and Puma make some pretty sharp sneaks as well! My absolute favorite shoes, though, were the DIY projects. Sheila Johnson spruced up her sneakers with ribbon laces in shades of salamander, and I was totally jealous of Julie Hoyt who added rhinestones to the toes of her silver Converse (why didn’t I think of that?!).

Roaring 20’s economics guru (and perhaps closet fashionista) George Taylor coined the “Hemline Theory” which claimed that the stock market moved up and down in accordance with women’s hemlines. The Hemline Theory did have some logic behind it. In the earlier part of the century, silk stocking were considered a luxury item. When times were prosperous women could afford this little luxury, and so they wanted to show them off by wearing short skirts. However, in an age where maxis and minis both are on trend, I think perhaps we should look to heels as a new economic indicator.

Consider ballet flats, which have been quite popular the last few years. They’re the lowest possible heel, and where has the Dow been hanging out? While short skirts showed off fancy stockings, heel height (or lack thereof) is a practicality issue. If one is saving some money and walking in lieu of hailing a taxicab, 5-inch platforms probably aren’t your best bet. Many have even dubbed these uber stilettos “Limo Heels” implying that one must be able to afford luxury transport as 7-inches hardly makes for a good walking shoe.

Last night as I headed to Neiman’s for Fashion’s Night Out festitivies–stimulating the economy is

Is that a DOUBLE platform?! Photo: NM

our patriotic duty after all–I felt like I didn’t quite measure up. I was wearing one of my fave vintage Pucci dresses, so my ensemble wasn’t the problem. Perhaps my Bert-esque  brows? I immediately headed straight to the PR at Partners stand that did complimentary hair and eyebrows at the event to fix that problem, but I still felt like I fell SHORT. Then it dawned on me: my 3-inch heels just didn’t measure up! I headed to the shoe department to sip some champagne and collect my thoughts–seriously, what is more relaxing than lounging in the Neiman Marcus shoe section sipping some champers? As I sat surrounded by my good buddies Manolo Blahnik, Christian Louboutin, and Valentino I noticed that when it comes to footwear this fall everything is looking up Up UP– Boots are over-the-knee, while any stiletto worth its weight in Harry Winston will put you over the moon. Judging by the looks of things, if my heel height theory holds, Fashion’s Night Out has definitley kicked off the start of a very fun and prosperous shopping season.

Just when I thought that footwear for Fall 2009 couldn’t get any more fabulous, Pedro Garcia has designed the most incredible d’orsay pump.

Photo: Neiman Marcus

Feathers, grosgrain ribbon, pearl hatpin–it’s everything that makes a great hat, but in a shoe?! Don’t get me wrong, I adore hats, but a shoe (even a feathered one) is obviously a far more practical purchase. I love everything about this shoe from the cut, to the contrasting colors and textures. Well, there is one thing I’m not mad about: the price. At $750, I may have to sacrifice heating this winter in order to snag this beauty.

UPDATE: *Swoon* Just discovered it comes in a ballet flat as well and there are color options. I’ve already given up heat: what about electricity?

As I was lounging poolside trying to figure out my next home improvement project (I have a real fixer-upper), I decided that my front door is in desperate need of a new shade of polish errrr I mean paint. Mind you, I have a stream in my basement and a rogue raccoon living in my atttic, but obviously the front door takes priority.

Currently my door is painted what I believe is called “barn” red or at least that’s what the paint can in the garage said. I mean, seriously? I do not live in a barn, so I’m not quite sure why my front door should resemble one.

As I pondered paint pallets, much in the fashion I choose pedi-polish colors, I decided that I needed inspiration. Then it dawned on me: what better place to look for the perfect hue, than amongst my shoes?! All metallics were pretty much out, as were the yellow Puccis, anything neutral was far too dull, but what about the pinks? I scrutinized

Is it possible to have too many pink shoes?

the lineup and quickly decided that the Jimmy Choos were too pale, the Charles David too bright, but the Guccis were just right! 

Alas dear Shoetubers, what sounds like a line from a Dr. Seuss book, is something far more grim I’m afraid. This morning my mother came to my house to dog sit, and I almost keeled over when I saw what was on her feet. There, right before my eyes, was my own mother wearing–horror of horrors–CROCS WITH SOCKS! Yes readers, my own flesh and blood, my dear mother who wears Prada and Tory Burch: what happened?! She tried to justify the look: something about sweating and comfort. I don’t know, I couldn’t really listen, for as far as I’m concerned there are just no excuses for any footwear that foul crossing my threshold. Ever.

Now, I’m not a Croc-hater: I actually own two pairs (ballet flats and mary janes). I  find them to be quite perfect for suitable occasions such as gardening, kayaking, and Bonnaroo. But with  socks?!?!?!?! How, why, what, WHY????? I don’t even know what to say at this point. This incident will surely be just cause for therapy down the road: I still shudder just thinking about it.

And it gets worse.  I was too shocked this morning to take a picture, so I Googled “crocs and socks” (secretly hoping to find nothing), but NO–there were tons! I don’t care if you are the President; it’s just not acceptable.  At least Michelle Obama is just wearing Crocs, no socks, yet…

Update: I got a picture!

I’m not sure at what point my life turned into True Life: Green Acres, but some days I feel like a combination of Oliver and Lisa (and occasionally Arnold).

When most people get home from a long day of work, they relax, get something to eat, and perhaps even have a drink or two: HA! Yesterday, I got home from work only to discover that my dear, dear horse had broken into my garden and successfully trampled half my tomato and pepper plants. Obviously I did what any “farmer” would do; I went out and tried to chase him out of the garden!

Did I mention I was still wearing my work clothes? I can’t say I know too many farmers that run around a field in a Diane vonFurstenberg dress and Prada sandals. It must have been quite a site for passers by. Maybe I need my own reality show…

Anywho, you would think at some point I would finally invest in proper work boots (especially after my Wellie debaucle). But what do I know about work boots? I hear Red Wings are quite nice, and they do come in a rather lovely shade of burgundy. Should I go for a steel toe? I wonder if they make a patent leather version?

Attention DC Shoetubers:  mark your calendars for June 16 for “Glam in the City” to get a special preview of the newest Manolo Blahniks. In addition  to ogling the newest styles, one lucky lady will even win a pair of Manolos. Then again, everyone actually wins, since each guest will get a goodie bag with lots of NM beauty baubles!!!  Honestly, what Shoetuber can possibly resist an evening that promises shoes, champers, and other goodies all courtesy of Neiman Marcus and The Glamazon Diaries?! I certainly can’t! See below for details, and don’t forget to RSVP to makeda@theglamazondiaries.com by June 12!