Tess Tuesday: I Know What I Want to Wear

It happens over brunch on Sunday morning, in the locker room after yoga, by drunk-dial at 3am, and via text, causing me to ignore the red hand and walk blindly into traffic: I find out about an upcoming event. It could be a house party, or a dinner party, or a fondue night, or some fabulous gala that requires a gown. Whatever it is, once I get word of it, my mind jumps immediately to what I’m going to wear. Of course, there are endless contributing factors to consider. The most basic are the occasion, its venue and of course, the season. Some of the more minute considerations however, include, who else will attend, if there will be dancing, and whether or not I’ll be drinking red wine. (Its stains have notoriously ruined dresses forever.)

Occasionally, I hear of the event and an outfit that I own and have been meaning to wear pops into my head straightaway. It’s perfect and I’m golden, despite the fact that I’ve almost been hit by a taxi.  More often though, I have to spend a good half hour-who am I kidding? An hour and a half-trying on clothes and shoes and scarves and bracelets to construct the perfect look for the party. Once in a great while, I hear of the event and the perfect outfit simply appears. I know what it looks like and how to accessorize. It will be flattering and flawless. The only problem is that I’ve invented this outfit-it’s merely a product of my imagination. I might own a few pieces of the look, but I certainly don’t own the majority of it.

At this point I should say, “Well, that would be nice.  Too bad it doesn’t exist.” Instead, I start taking a mental inventory of all the stores in the area, who carries and what, and hours of operation. The quest begins: building the nonexistent look. If it’s made of separates, the task is easier, but the journey is long. If I’ve designed a dress in my head, the mission is in serious risk of ending in failure, through no fault of my own. I’ll take a second to brag here.  If it exists, I will find it. E-mail me!

I find that when I’m going crazy to build a look, the thing I am most thankful for is my shoe wardrobe. A shoe wardrobe full of staples will never let you down. Here are some I think every girl should own so when she’s built the perfect outfit, she can rush home from the stores, just in time to get ready in a hurry, and the shoes will be waiting in her closet to complete the ensemble.

The Black Patent Flat (All Black for Barefoot Tess Banded Flat)

The Corso Como Rachel II

The Accent Flat (Barefoot Tess Edie)

The Metallic Party Shoe (Gwyneth Princess Heel)

Speak up! What are your favorite staples?

And speaking of dreaming up styles, are there any that you’d like BFT to carry? Tell me what’s missing!

Party Ready in Zanotti Star-Studded Slides

Every party-going gal needs at least one blinged-out outfit this season, and what better way to turn up the bling than with a pair of diamond-studded sandals? Okay, they’re not real diamonds, but these glistening Giuseppe Zanotti slides serve up plenty of bling factor with the star-studded straps. The smooth leather slides are designed with a string of sparkling crystal accents and the 3 ½” heel makes for a comforting change from the usual stiletto. They’re the type of shoe you can party the night away in, but also use for dressing up a gown or dress for a gala.

Sleek, sophisticated and elegant, these head-turning sandals will make you the woman of the hour with their simple, high-impact design. You can ramp up the jewel factor by adding a gleaming anklet to the mix. Hold onto these for the seasons to come – they’re a great investment pair for all types of special occasions this year, and beyond.

Sashaying to the High Seas

I’m taking a little vacation this weekend – I’m going on a cruise!

Early next week, I’m leaving on a press trip to China, and while that promises to be tons of fun – I am eager to embark with a little R&R time under my belt.

So, tomorrow, I shall be taking part in the launch cruise of brand-new Carnival Dream, and I needed sassy yet professional shoes to wear to the naming ceremony. It’s a bit of a conundrum, my vocation: A lot of my activities are fun, and festive, but I am still a professional going to work, and representing my brand (um, that would be me).

After the deeply important decisions were out of the way — and by that, I mean my outfit and my pedicure — the perfect shoes fell into my lap. Accompanying me to the ship’s naming ceremony – which, by the way, I will be live-Tweeting from -I will be wearing my hot new Dannika by Limelight sandals from Rack Room Shoes for $34.99.

The color is ridiculously hot, and the satiny finish gives an touch of class while still full of edge. All aboard! I am so ready for my mai tai.

Halloween in Hindsight

I heart Halloween. Seriously, it’s not every night you get to dress up like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader without eliciting haughty stares in San Francisco.

This year one of the only parties worth the hype was Vintage 415’s sold-out Stay Puft soiree at Yoshi’s, benefiting the CPMC SimSurg Education Center. Good music. Good crowd. Good costumes. Both floors were swarming with glitzy show girls, temptresses from the Garden of Eden, military men, and (my favorite) one very clever Alan and scene-stealing baby Carlos from the movie The Hangover.

Getting to Yoshi’s and back again in one collective group was half the adventure (it always is). Naturally, we learned plenty of lessons along the way. If you’ll be rocking cheerleader costumes next Halloween, savor these nuggets of wisdom:

1. Do the math before deciding how high your heels should be: 6 hours x 4 girls x 10 toes each adds up to some serious whimpering at the end of the night. Don’t spend much money on snow white boots—especially since they’ll be stained with other people’s drinks by midnight. Make like a genius (me) and slip a pair of white tube socks over your boots and poke the heel out with scissors.

2. For dinner, head to Mamacita to stuff your tiny white shorts with chips and guac and whatever those delicious pink shots were, and remember that Brazen Head serves desert until 2 pm. Something in that carrot cake and fallen angel cake relieves sore little piggies from a night of abuse.

3. Appoint a squad leader to “do the honors” when you’re approached by unsavory suitors dressed like creepy characters from A Clockwork Orange. One cheer that comes to mind: “U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no al-i-bi.” Or bust out with your own rendition of “I Kissed A Ghoul And I Liked It.”

4. Plan to take a cab everywhere, preferably with a male escort dressed as a very convincing police officer. Light-reflecting pom-poms make it exponentially easier to hail a cab out from under the noses of wealthy old socialites, which come first in this city every other night of the year.

5. If you desire to be seen before the promoted parties kick off, skip the house parties to “strut the nut” (Chestnut, that is). Busting a spontaneous move from outside the window at the Mac store can provide endless entertainment. Good luck getting the very serious, non-costumed computer shoppers to look up from the display merchandise.

6. Think before dancing with a man dressed like an injured superhero. Neck and knee braces mean Velcro, which equate to shredded nylon stockings. This goes without saying: always carry a back-up pair in your bra. The fact that I also managed to fit my trusty notepad and pen, blackberry, lipstick, gloss, cash and driver’s license is worthy of its own blog, no?

7. Don’t be fooled: You can’t be completely convinced you did Halloween “right” until the following morning at The Grove when you hear the tales from the parties you never made it to, or run into friends who slept in their makeup and are still going strong, striaght out of Night Of The Living Dead.

Go Gaga Over Pucci Ankle Strap Sandals

Despite being in Beyonce and Lady Gaga overload from Halloween weekend, bold shoes with are here to stay for another season, and the heels are only getting higher and higher, giving you a chance to really strut your stuff. These irresistible patent leather Pucci sandals are designed with a mesh textile accent and a super-skinny metallic stiletto heel.

The gleaming golden base gives your look that extra punch of sass, and the super-high heel will let you show off your Beyonce-inspired moves in high style.  Just be warned – you might need some practice to balance on the pencil-thin mile high heels.

And yes, you can still wear white this winter. These glossy patent leather sandals have enough gold in them to make them a party-ready shoe for any event. Provocative, sexy and craving as much attention as you can handle, these are the party shoes to spice up any cold winter night with. Hit the dance floor in a short skirt or dress and these swoon-worthy shoes to make your unforgettable fashion statement.

These Boots Are Made for Banking

 When I think of bankers, my pea brain conjures up a very straight-laced image of tailored suits, briefcases, and proper black loafers: think the guys from the Fidelity Fiduciary song in Mary Poppins. 

 

Imagine the shock, wonder, and amazement I experienced yesterday when I was at the bank and  my favorite teller, Ben, told me that he was wearing boots, platform boots, to work today! I was in a rush, so sadly I didn’t have time to ask for a full description of his footwear. I’m hoping to find some banking matters to tend to today, so I can catch a glimpse (and hopefully a photo) of his Halloween heels. I’m really hoping they look something like these gold sparkly platforms.

Needless to say, any company that understands shoes need not be serious–especially around Halloween–is a place I want to do business!  

P.S. It never ceases to fascinate me how some guys actually manage to walk (or run!) quite well in heels, yet I still see young ladies that can’t seem to walk without wobbling…

Masquerading, Mayhem and Matching Shoes

 

A beautiful, brilliant friend is throwing a masquerade ball for Halloween this year. Guests will be donning grand dresses and suits with masks that spark the imagination. Best of all, it’s a surprisingly pressure-free way to dress up.

If you’re stressing over an original, cool and sexy costume concept without crossing the slutty line (we like to stay just shy) start with that dress in your closet–the one you sigh over every week but only had the chance to wear once (No, we are not counting the time you put it on to eat ice cream and watch 27 Dresses). Then run out for some coordinating shoes at Payless and hit the nearest Hallowen pop-up store or make your own matching mask. Soon you’ll be masquerading as your spectactular self.

Here are some looks to inspire your inner mistress.

Refined in Red

Pair this red lacey creation with ladylike d’orsay rosettes and admirers will come running.

Dark and Daring

Gentlemen callers will swoon over a decadent swan in satin t-strap sandals.

 

Prim Pierrot

You may look like a sad clown, but these oxfords will keep you happy.

Golden Goddess

Perhaps “Style Goddess” is a better title for any lady donning this golden Venetian mask and the Christian Siriano for Payless Carolina Pump.

 

 

 

Celebrity Shoes: The Motherload

While I enjoy reporting on celeb-fueled footwear lines, this Fall’s offerings are less of the occasional mention and more of a full-on deluge of A lister-backed collections. So here’s a roundup of who’s designing what and when shoppers can expect to test drive the star-powered shoes:

1. Nitrolicious reported that singer Beyoncé will launch the Sasha Fierce (Beyoncé’s alter-ego) for Deréon Collection. Beyoncé’s mom/mamanger Tina Knowles described the line to WWD as “edgier and trendier;” in addition to outerwear, handbags, lingerie, jewelry and eyewear look for “heavily studded shoes.”

Sasha Fierce for Deréon

According to Style Guru, the line, which launched in September for back-to-school shopping (because what 9th grader doesn’t need heavily studded heels?), “comes at a very affordable price ranging from $25 to $75 and is available at Macy’s and Dillard’s.”

2. It its Oct. 23 issue, New York Magazine’s fashion blog The Cut revealed that, on the heels of Heidi Klum’s dropped jewelry line, the Project Runway host will launch a 48-style show collection for Fall 2010. (Or, says StyleNews, the collection will “be the first to hit stores in February 2010 and will include everything from sky-high stilettos to tall boots.”) Writes the blogger, “The inspiration is the same as every celebrity’s with a fashion line — what’s currently in her closet.”

Louis Vuitton's 2009 Spicy Sandal, worn by Klum

The project, according to  WWD, is a collaboration with “Modern Vintage and Majestic Mills co-founders Rick and Brian Cytrynbaum.”

3. In all the excitement about the launch of the Olsen Twins’ Olsenboye line of J.C. Penny (they’re promoting it in a cupcake truck!), has Mary-Kate and Ashley’s other project — the Elizabeth and James line — fallen under the radar? Say it isn’t so! Nitrolicious previewed the 2009 Elizabeth and James footwear collection, pronouncing it “so amazing.” Pictured here, the lace-up flat ankle boots, available at Saks.

Elizabeth and James ankle boot

4. Paris Hilton frenemy Nicole Richie is to (says blogger Fantastictoe) partner “with Modern Vintage shoes and Earnest Sewn jeans. Richie will add a line of around 20 shoe styles to her House of Harlow 1960 label for spring of 2010.”

5. Black Eyed Pea Fergie’s shoe line, launched in Spring of 2009 through endless.com, is offering up fall and winter looks like a shearling-lined boot and a magenta suede peep-toe. Blogger Fergie Freak writes, “Recently, I have been asked about where to get some of the fabulous shoes Fergie has been seen performing in. Well, it turns out that they are part of her own line of shoes. She’s come out with a lot of new styles for the fall.” (A poll on Beauty Xpose’s Foot Fetish Friday showed that voters were evenly divided when it came to the hotness or notness of the singer’s spring footwear.)

Fergie's magenta kid suede heel

Play It Up with DSquared2’s Tic Tac Sandals

When you’re heading to the soiree to make a fashion statement, lay on the glitz and glamour with some uber-stylish sandals decked in jewels and beads. DSQUARED2’s got you covered with these Tic Tac Tic Tac Velluto Raso sandals, a pair of scene-stealing shoes that will bring out your party-lovin’ ways in no time.

These swanky shoes are covered with shiny crystals, oversized baubles and charms, giving your feet a much-needed makeover for the season. Teeter on over to the dance floor in the 4 ½” heels and enjoy your moment in the spotlight, oh stylish one.

And what should you pair these deviously dangerous sandals with? A leather mini skirt will make you the diva of the night, but you can also make the most of this look with an A-line LBD, a pair of wide-leg pants or some fancy capris to create a showstopping look. Go on, you deserve to play diva for at least one night this week, Halloween perhaps? Try these on for size and let your playful side run wild.

Tess Tuesday: A Scarring Memory From My Childhood

I was invited to my very first wedding at the age of seven, that of a distant cousin whom I had no recollection of meeting but I knew, from the wedding invitation, that he existed. Upon learning of my cousin’s existence and his imminent nuptials, I began dreaming of a beautiful gold dress, with ruffles and taffeta, lace and brocade paired with a tasteful tiara and black patent leather ballet flats. (I was seven, living in New Jersey, and it was the early nineties—there’s no accounting for taste.) I related my pageant-worthy costume choice to my mother, but only got as far as the taffeta before her face fell into an “I feel sort of bad for you, but you’re ridiculous” grimace. “Laura,” she said, somewhat gently, “This is a daytime wedding.” What that had to do with anything, I hadn’t a clue, but the point was that my dress was not appropriate. “You’ll wear a suit.”

She whisked me away from my cartoons the following Saturday morning to shop at Saks for this ill-fated suit. I sat in the back seat, pouting all the way for the loss of my delusions of grandeur, and maybe a little because I wasn’t allowed to sit in the front. We were greeted at Saks, with offensive enthusiasm by Carol, who had gone ahead and picked out a bunch of suits for me. As we walked through the beautiful party dresses in a parade of crushed dreams, I couldn’t help but wonder why anyone else didn’t find it preposterous that a child would wear a suit. At seven, I looked up at two grown adult women and thought, “You want a child to wear a suit. And I’m the ridiculous one? ” But sure enough I began trying on suits. We finally go to one that had a nice top (a cream vest lined with black satin) but I was wearing pants with it and worked up the nerve to put my foot down. “I saw a skirt out there that goes with this. Can I please wear the skirt?” My mother agreed and I handed her the pants.

“Carol,” she called. “Would you mind bringing the skirt for this top?”

“And which top is that?” Carol called back.

“Oh, come in and see it,” my mother answered without a second’s hesitation.”

“What? Mom, no!” I pleaded. I was in my underwear. Carol was not allowed to see my underwear. First these women were robbing me of a beautiful party dress and now my dignity? Absolutely not! But in Carol came. I stood there awkwardly feeling my face getting hot and trying desperately to pull the vest down to cover myself—in vain. Carol acted like the sight of my underwear wasn’t no thing, but the damage had been done. I got that “my throat is hurting because I’m trying not to cry” feeling. My mother paid for the suit and a sensible headband and off we went to Stride Rite.

I still had hope for the black patent leather ballet flat, which I fondly referred to as ‘big-girl shoes.’ (My favorite shoe to this day is the black patent ballet flat.) I made my wish known to my mother, who agreed, assuring me they would definitely have those. I spotted them the second we walked into the store. Perfect. I sat on the bench shaken by the panties incident, but thankful that at least I wasn’t afraid of the metal foot measurer. The salesgirl came over, measured, looked down at my dream shoe, then up at my mother. “She has a very broad foot,” she stated. “These aren’t going to work, but those will.” She pointed to a Mary Jane. My heart sank. “But what about another size?” I asked. “What about something you have in the back?” I was grasping. “PLEASE!”

I couldn’t believe it. My last chance for some semblance of elegance and they were sticking my stupid broad foot in a Mary Jane? A Mary Jane is the opposite of a big-girl shoe! It’s a little-girl shoe! “Sorry,” the salesgirl said—still no sympathy, and in fact, maybe a taking some sick pleasure in all of this. “These are all we have.” My mother agreed and she bought the Mary Janes. I was so depressed I didn’t even want to stop at Mrs. Fields. I hated the mall, I hated my life, and I hated my fat fat fatty fat foot.

This feeling, being denied the shoe you want because of the size of your foot: avoid it. Shop Barefoot Tess.

Now, you know I want your traumatizing childhood stories. Let’s hear ‘em. And mind the contest ($50 to our commenter of the week)!