Just hours ago, I returned from a whirlwind week in Macau, China.

Every so often we have an experience that we unequivocally know will change us — make us somehow different, maybe even a little better people. This often occurs when we remove ourselves from our comfort zone and do something that may feel a little scary for us, but ultimately, makes us feel stronger, and more confident.

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I think part of what draws me to web-writing is an inherent shyness -it’s easy to be outgoing and confident when you are alone in a room, staring at a screen – but out and about, I’m different. More hesitant, less sure of myself.

So, when I was invited on a press visit to the other side of the world, a location where I knew no one, had never been, and did not speak the language, I was a little nervous. Granted, I go on press visits all the time – but to Asia? Wow. That would be a biggie.

The day I was packing to leave, I got notification that a cold front was to pass through China, and I should pack accordingly. I took the info I had at hand: A great deal of walking, a chic but cozy city and my need for versatile footwear that would work in various settings — it’s the key to avoiding overpacking – and I knew my choice was clear. On my feet during those long walks would be the comfortably cosmopolitan Michael by Michael Kors Derby Boots with shearling trim.

And so, wearing my fabulous boots, I walked the historic sites of Macau: Saw the mystically beautiful Senado Square, with its historic churches, ruins, and well, Starbucks. Visted St. Paul’s ruins. Ate the locally-famous delicious egg tart…a lot. Rode the ferry. Discovered the beauty that is Portuguese-Chinese fusion. And learned Macau is much more than a town of casinos and piers, as nay-sayers will tell you. It’s a beautiful place to visit, with a stunning history needing to be heard.

But most importantly, I learned I could walk through the streets of a city 8,000 miles away – where I didn’t know the language – and not only be OK, but feel amazing. And that, more so than the mysterious black chickens or 1,000-year-old eggs I discovered, will change me forever.

Whenever I’m packing to visit old friends and family, like I am right now, I start channeling Katharine Hepburn as Pat in 1952’s Pat and Mike (he’s Spencer Tracy).

I’m pulling out all my nipped-in pants, blousey tops and and casual cardis. No matter what situation Pat gets into, including playing multiple pro sports, she looks pulled together. Her style is just the way my instincts wander when the potential chaos of a large family gathering is on the horizon.

The perfect shoes to walk me through all this can only be sleek, sturdy vintage golf shoes–possibly featuring a jaunty little kiiltie. No need to get too serious. It’s a celebration after all. Here are the top golfers on eBay.

Preppy brown and white size 6 1/2s from eBay store Sporting Goods USA:

Black and white saddle shoes (size 9 1/2) from eBay boutique fancywhat for $18:

Lady Fairway classic buckle shoes (size 8, $13) from eBay store Recycle, Reuse, Reduce:

And structured, vinatge Kenneth Cole NY golf shoes (size 7, $40) from Philly’s Finest Vinatge:

Sure these are a bit different. But they are also adorable and dignified. And for me fashion, like golf, is a game I take part in just to please myself.

It happens over brunch on Sunday morning, in the locker room after yoga, by drunk-dial at 3am, and via text, causing me to ignore the red hand and walk blindly into traffic: I find out about an upcoming event. It could be a house party, or a dinner party, or a fondue night, or some fabulous gala that requires a gown. Whatever it is, once I get word of it, my mind jumps immediately to what I’m going to wear. Of course, there are endless contributing factors to consider. The most basic are the occasion, its venue and of course, the season. Some of the more minute considerations however, include, who else will attend, if there will be dancing, and whether or not I’ll be drinking red wine. (Its stains have notoriously ruined dresses forever.)

Occasionally, I hear of the event and an outfit that I own and have been meaning to wear pops into my head straightaway. It’s perfect and I’m golden, despite the fact that I’ve almost been hit by a taxi.  More often though, I have to spend a good half hour-who am I kidding? An hour and a half-trying on clothes and shoes and scarves and bracelets to construct the perfect look for the party. Once in a great while, I hear of the event and the perfect outfit simply appears. I know what it looks like and how to accessorize. It will be flattering and flawless. The only problem is that I’ve invented this outfit-it’s merely a product of my imagination. I might own a few pieces of the look, but I certainly don’t own the majority of it.

At this point I should say, “Well, that would be nice.  Too bad it doesn’t exist.” Instead, I start taking a mental inventory of all the stores in the area, who carries and what, and hours of operation. The quest begins: building the nonexistent look. If it’s made of separates, the task is easier, but the journey is long. If I’ve designed a dress in my head, the mission is in serious risk of ending in failure, through no fault of my own. I’ll take a second to brag here.  If it exists, I will find it. E-mail me!

I find that when I’m going crazy to build a look, the thing I am most thankful for is my shoe wardrobe. A shoe wardrobe full of staples will never let you down. Here are some I think every girl should own so when she’s built the perfect outfit, she can rush home from the stores, just in time to get ready in a hurry, and the shoes will be waiting in her closet to complete the ensemble.

The Black Patent Flat (All Black for Barefoot Tess Banded Flat)

The Corso Como Rachel II

The Accent Flat (Barefoot Tess Edie)

The Metallic Party Shoe (Gwyneth Princess Heel)

Speak up! What are your favorite staples?

And speaking of dreaming up styles, are there any that you’d like BFT to carry? Tell me what’s missing!

I like boots.  This should come as no surprise given the outrage I felt last week when my cat sprayed five pairs last week, effectively destroying them.

Still, I have always been a pretty conservative boot buyer.  Even though I had a variety of styles, they were all either a shade of brown or good old black.  Because they are usually an expensive wardrobe addition, I always thought this just made good sense.

Last week, my husband approved a little boot mini-spree for me given the tragic state of the boots Melvin (the fat cat) ruined.  I headed to Nordstrom where I found a pair of Via Spiga, six-inch spiked heel black boots and a more practical wedge from Steven by Steven Madden

At first I tried both boots in black, as is my custom and while the Via Spiga ones were hot, hot, hot (and totally impractical for a mom who never gets out), the Steven ones were very cute, comfortable and perfect for both park and playdate.

I hemmed and hawed for about 20 minutes, debating the merits of spending $400, but since both boots were on sale and it would have been $600 normally, I decided to seize the day.  Boots be mine!

At checkout I made an even crazier decision.  I have a casual pair of black boots.  Why not try the grey?  I know I missed the boat on the super trend (that was last fall), but I do not have a pair of grey boots.  And neither did Nordstrom.  They special ordered them for me and yesterday, these arrived:

To say I love them would be an understatement.  They are just to the knees, a little slouchy, super comfortable and also kind of hot.  In short, they are perfect.

Last season or not, I am rocking the grey boots and feeling pretty good about it, to boot.  Thanks Melvin.  Your inability to control pee has blessed me in the strangest way.

Reebok threw a kickin party to celebrate 20 years of the pump last week. While it was easy to be wooed by the towering pro athlete presence of hosts Emmitt Smith and Dominique Wilkins, as well as the open bar and mini Pop Burgers, I’m all about the Pump.

To start, one of the new limited edition Pump X styles, designed by Boston sneaker retailer, Bodega, was sold via lottery this week to keep collectors from camping out in front of the store.

Reebok, whose entire staff was decked out in new retro versions of the custom fit shoe at the party, made sure to decorate the place in 90’s Pump posters that reminded me; the pump wasn’t just a basketball shoe. It was a tennis trainer, worn by great Michael Chang. It was also a running shoe, an aerobics shoe, a football shoe, the list goes on.

And now it’s a limited edition. Here are a few of my favorite designs from it’s exclusive 20th anniversary partnerships.

These work boot style sneakers are from Saint Alfred in Chicago.

The aforementioned Outback from Bodega.

A sleek, dark color combo from Huf in San Francisco.

A few more, displayed behind glass at the party, but not including the Parisian boutique, Colette’s design, covered by our trendspotter Alli, last week.

And the definitive Michael Chang poster. Just because I love the 90’s-ness of it.

Every party-going gal needs at least one blinged-out outfit this season, and what better way to turn up the bling than with a pair of diamond-studded sandals? Okay, they’re not real diamonds, but these glistening Giuseppe Zanotti slides serve up plenty of bling factor with the star-studded straps. The smooth leather slides are designed with a string of sparkling crystal accents and the 3 ½” heel makes for a comforting change from the usual stiletto. They’re the type of shoe you can party the night away in, but also use for dressing up a gown or dress for a gala.

Sleek, sophisticated and elegant, these head-turning sandals will make you the woman of the hour with their simple, high-impact design. You can ramp up the jewel factor by adding a gleaming anklet to the mix. Hold onto these for the seasons to come – they’re a great investment pair for all types of special occasions this year, and beyond.

Recently, DJ and sometimes Lindsay Lohan kanoodler Samantha Ronson teamed up with Supra to produce a high-top sneaker. “The shoes are a version of the brand’s Indy pair but in a new set of colors — distressed black suede with a gold detail and white sole,” wrote New York Magazine’s The Cut Fashion Blog.

According to Ronson’s Web site, she’ll have a new sneaker out late this month. ”Originally not planned for a public release, we’ve decided to drop a limited run of these hyper-colored TK’s after hearing your cries for blood. 600 pairs of each colorway will be produced,” Ronson writes.

Samatha Ronson's hyper-color TKs

(Ronson’s brother Mark designed a shoe for Gucci for Fall 09  — which looks, oddly, like a 1980s deck shoe.)
Hello Kitty — celebrating birthday number 35 — also designed sneakers styles. “These two renowned companies have designed limited edition sneakers to honor Hello Kitty’s 35th anniversary,” said BeautyStyleWatch of HK’s collaboration with Asics. “Not only are they comfortable to wear but they are so totally hot to look at!”

Hello Kitty by Asics

And the LA Times blog writes, “When we thought Hello Kitty domination was beginning to wane, we came across these Asics sneakers and just about died and went to Hello Kitty heaven.”
Coming in Jaunary, according to Converse Shoe Store’s blog, the footwear company will release “several shoes dedicated to The Clash. Most notably is the Converse London Calling shoes which celebrates the 30th Anniversary of the album. There will also be a pair of Converse Shoes that look like a jacket with buttons and Chuck Taylors with The Clash logos.”

Converse's The Clash print

Parisian boutique Colette collaborated with Reebok on a redesign project. Explains excellent women’s sportswear blogger FemaleSneakerFeinds, “Reebok’s celebrating the 20th birthday of their Reebok Pump by collaborating with 20 elite shops to design their own versions of these classics. Here is Colette’s take, and I love ‘em!”
The catch: According to SuperXOfficial, “Only 30 pairs of these kicks will be produced so either catch a flight to France on November 16th (the day they drop) or check eBay on the 17th in the a.m.” We’re passed those crucial dates, but it’s still worth checking.

Reebok Pump by Colette

This summer, Vanessa and Angela Simmons (daughters of Run-D.M.C.’s Joseph Simmons) added to their Pastry line, which is kicks rather than cakes. Reports Sneakers and Shoes (who has been following the line since 2007), “Pastry is doing alright. I see women wearing them every other day in one way or another.”

Pastry sneakers

“Come out and join us as we pack a simple shoebox gift that (can change) a needy child’s life forever.”

-Michael Alder, Martinsburg, WV

There’s nothing like opening a new  shoebox and glancing down at a fresh pair of stilettos that have yet to be marred by city sidewalks and sudden downpours. As time passes, though, so does that new stiletto thrill, and more often than not that same magical shoebox is tossed aside or trashed. But for a less fortunate child, a shoebox from Operation Christmas Child (OCC), can hold items that are much more magical than any pair of Manolos.

Operation Christmas Child is a Samaritan’s Purse project that delivers goody-filled shoeboxes to children around the world.   You’ll also be able to track your shoeboxes to see where they go, and I think it’s safe to say that your shoebox will cover far more miles than your stilettos ever will. Collection week  runs until November 23, so if you don’t have any extra shoeboxes I think this is an excellent excuse to acquire a new one   Participating in OCC takes only 5 steps that, truth be told, are probably easier than walking in 5 inch heels.

1. Find a shoebox (like that will be hard)

2. Figure out if your gift is for a boy or girl

3. Fill ‘er up!

4. Include a $7 donation (it’s only $7, I know you spend more than that on martinis)

5. Find a drop off location by clicking here.

Not to mention, why hide your shoes in boxes anyway?!  Empty those shoe boxes, put your shoe collection on display, and start filling those shoeboxes for OCC!

However, I guess this means Henry is going to have to find a new bed

At a party hosted recently by friends, I found myself in the kitchen (where else?), with a group of men and among the suspect and somewhat expected line-up of footwear . . . scruffy Converse, Campers, dodgy loafers and non-descript lace-ups (it was a casual affair), we spied one of our friends, the Italian – surprise, surprise, sporting the most sleek and uber glossy shoes from Prada.

The Italian's Pradas

No baggy boy jeans and worn sneakers for this guy. Oh no! He looked slinky and sharp in a slim-fitting shirt, beautifully cut trousers and those to-die-for Pradas! Given that he hails from somewhere near Milan rather than Islington I guess its to be expected, but never before have a pair of shoes drawn so much attention from the species from Mars, each one admiring them and oohing and ahing like they were peeking under the bonnet of a vintage Porsche.

Admittedly, the Pradas were new, having been no further afield than the floorboards of Number 3o. But I kid you not, those shoes were so shiny I could see my own reflection in them (not a good thing given the amount of alcohol I’d consumed by that point), and the luster of them against the pedestrian footwear worn by everyone else prompted the thought . . . is the art of shoe polishing dying on its feet?

Well Olga Berluti, creative director of the men’s luxury shoemaker Berluti, doesn’t think so. Olga’s credentials extend beyond her hand-made shoes for the likes of Andy Warhol and John F. Kennedy, to a shoe-cleaning club she has established for her favorite clients. The ‘Swann Club‘ is a gathering where the members come to ‘dine and shine’ and indulge in a highly meticulous shoe polishing ritual to the music of Vivaldi and Wagner, involving iced spring water, Venetian linen sheets, pots of coloured wax, chianti and vintage champagne.

Mention shoe shining generally and most people think of the military – where having anything less than a mirror finish to your boots is likely to result in a court martial. Or a bygone era, when a tin of wax polish was an essential for shining gents’ shoes on a Sunday evening. All my friends acknowledge having watched their fathers and grandfathers polish their shoes regularly, but few admit to rummaging around in the under stairs cupboard in search of a rusty tin of Kiwi, an old sports sock and a well worn horse-hair brush inherited from a long deceased relly, on a quest to return their now scuffed and scratched ‘best’ leather shoes to their former glory. Not quite the same league as The Swann Club!

But what is it about our generation that has caused a decline in the art of shoe shining? One which Asda, the Wal-Mart-owned UK supermarket chain, claim is dramatic and upstoppable. Well, we’re a lazy bunch and we’d rather be indulging in 101 things on a Sunday evening than applying a bit of elbow grease to our leather uppers. Modern footwear is far more low maintenance than brogues and loafers and many of us don’t actually know how to clean our shoes using old-style polish and a frenzy of buffing, opting instead for timesaving wipes that are growing in popularity. In our consumerist society, we’re not about ‘make do and mend’ as it was for our forefathers, and the preservation and longevity of shoes just isn’t important when its easy and relatively cheap to replace worn out pairs, or those we simply no longer like.

And a final thought for the rare beasts who today believe in the importance of a parade-ground finish – is it strictly men? Would the fairer sex be caught spitting on a duster, applying a good level of elbow grease and buffing to a shine . . . or do we reserve that ceremony exclusively for our thighs?

For advice on how to achieve the perfect shoe shine, go to ‘ask andy about clothes.’

When I wrote about The Eternal Battle: Cute vs. Comfy and the daily struggle that accompanies it, I got a lot of feedback about the difficulty of getting ready in a hurry. Very few of us have the will to wake up two hours early to straighten our hair, construct a flawless outfit, and make sure we don’t dash out the door without our iPhone. It’s tempting to throw on sweats and schlep through your daily activities. And sure, they’re comfortable, but they belong on the couch. When you look better, you feel better and it completely changes the way you go about the day. Here are some insider’s tricks for pulling your look together in seconds and feeling great for hours.

The Headband: Tempted to twist your wet hair into a bun and check that off your list? Part it on the side, twist it into a lower bun, and wear a headband. All of a sudden, you’ve got yourself a hairstyle.

The Accessories: A set of bangles, a strand of pearls, or a cocktail ring will polish a work outfit and dress up even the plainest white t-shirt.

The Cardigan: If it’s chilly, it’s true, a big hoodie would be comfy and keep you warm. But a cardigan will show your shape, pull your look together, and keep you just as warm. Again, even over a plain white tee, it adds something. In an ideal world, you’d have one in every color, but an easy alternative is having a black one and one in your favorite accent color. (Mine is yellow.)

The Structured Boot: It’s tall and it’s elegant. Wear these over skinny jeans, tights, or your leggings and a plain tee (and cardigan.) They add sophistication and style to any outfit, and you only need one pair. They define staple.

The Soft Jean: Often women don’t want to wear jeans because they’re uncomfortable, cut into their side, etc. Try a soft, dark pair with some stretch or a pair of jeggings. You’ll be more willing to put them on if they’re comfortable and the Lycra will keep them from looking stretched out and sloppy. Jeans are infinitely more stylish than sweats (even if they’re juicy velours.)

The Makeup: No time for applying a full face? Me neither. Take 30 seconds to apply a bit of blush, a swipe of mascara, and a dab of lip gloss. All of a sudden, you’ll look 10 times brighter.

The Flats: Don’t stuff your foot into a smelly gym sneaker unless you’re actually planning on working out. A simple ballet flat matches everything and adds a touch of femininity. Black patent is my dear old standby, while metallic or a leopard print is a great accent.

The Coat: I know it’s cold outside. And if you live in one of those cities whose weather requires the floor-length down parka, you’re out of luck. As for the rest of you, fleeces are sloppy, ski jackets are not glamorous, and nobody likes a girl who wears a way-too-tiny jacket while shivering and sniffling her way through the day. A coat will keep you warm and you’ll look pretty while you walk. A trench, a pea coat, anything with a bit of structure and you’re great to go. Pair it with a matching scarf (maybe a hat and gloves) and you’ve got your outdoor look.