22
Feb
08

The Long and Tall of It … Is It All About Sex?

A couple of weeks ago, the hosts of Good Morning America, compared their leg lengths after airing a segment on a new Polish study that finds the longer the leg, the sexier the person, whether man or woman.

Duh.

After all the jockeying for snaps over which of their legs are longer–we now know that Chris Cuomo thinks himself the alpha male compared to Sam Campion, and that Robin Roberts is 5’10 and, in her own words, “worth the climb” — I had to wonder, gentle readers…. where were the shoes???

The talking heads did give one prop to Leonardo DaVinci, since he apparently invented the first high heels. (He WAS a genius, wasn’t he?)

But…the real story is that smart women have always known that size matters…. and that the higher the heel, the longer the looks. What do you think Mona Lisa is smiling about? She’s wearing the world’s first spectator pumps.

Why the heck else would Christian Louboutin vertiginous flashy red heels be such icons if they weren’t providing the lift many women want?

Maybe Donny Deutsch actually has it right in his book, Often Wrong, Never in Doubt that everything we buy and sell comes down to sexuality.

I didn’t think he was right at first, I mean, does Ovaltine really rely on sex to sell?

But, then again, nowadays it seems that even bathroom fixtures are sexed up like Carmen Elektra.

Maybe DD is onto something. A whole new economic policy based on shoes.

They say that the deeper an economy is in recession, the longer hem lines drop.

But I say, the deeper the dent in the bottom line, the higher our heels should go!

In the McKnightian economic recovery plan, aka the spike heel-driven economy, Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, Manolo, and the rest will be the rising tide that lifts all boats… and ladies… several inches closer to heaven.

But back to hard science:

The Polish study found that legs t 1.4 times longer than a person’s upper body are sexiest., because down in our man’s primordial Flinstones brain, they signal excellent health… better chances for lots of little Bam-Bams down the road.

Okay, so deductive reasoning leads me to surmise that a five-inch heel makes you look healthier, too. And is guaranteed to drive any Armani-wearing caveman wild, scientifically.

(What’s that? The phone is for me? It’s The National Institutes of Health calling because I am so smart? Tell them I have to finish this blog post first…)

Finally, the finishing touch on your long, tall sexy is the ultimate accessory: someone like, say, my gloriously tall, six foot four husband. You’ll have to find your own, though. He’s taken.

When the band starts playing, even with your skyscrapers on, you’ll be dancing eye to eye.

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