Emergency Shoes

The other day I was at Macy’s shopping for my dad’s birthday. They had these great men’s cashmere sweaters on sale so I decided to pick one up for my dad, my boyfriend and my brother (I can’t resist a sale).

I also decided to hit the Clinique counter and home goods department. By the time I got up to the register, I had my arms full of shiny, new things. The cashier looked at me with dollar signs in his eyes (hello, commission) and started ringing me up. The total was well over $200.
“Are you over the age of 18?” He asked.

I nodded yes while I fished out the wad of cash in the bottom of my Dooney and Bourke purse. I probably should’ve bought a wallet too. As a waitress, I walk around with absurd amounts of cash on me at all times. Usually, I have no idea how much money I have. That way, when I spend it all, I can’t go into a panic over the amount because I never knew how much was there to begin with.

He eyed the money with suspicion. I tend to take home a lot of singles which makes me wonder how many people are secretly suspecting I’m a stripper. “Would you like to open up a Macy’s account? You’ll automatically save 15% on your purchase today.”

“Actually, I already have a Macy’s card but thanks anyway,” I replied, still trying to organize my cash. The line behind me was growing; I heard an exaggerated sigh from someone near the rear.

“Well, that’s wonderful! Would you like to make your purchase using your Macy’s card today? You’ll still save 15%.” This guy was good. His name tag read Jack. As in Jack Ass.

“Um, no, that’s okay. I’d like to pay cash.”
“If you use your Macy’s card, you’ll earn rewards points which can be used towards your next purchase of $100 or more.” A louder sigh. My face was starting to grow hot.

“Listen, Jack. I use my Macy’s card for one reason and one reason only: emergency shoes. I know all about the discounts and the points and the perks. In fact, just the other day I received a letter in the mail from Macy’s informing me that I’m a valued customer. So as a valued customer, I’d like to pay cash.”
He snorted, snatched the cash out of my hand, gave me my change and shouted, “Next customer please!”

I turned on my heels, triumphant to get under the skin of pushy sales person. I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was an older woman sporting Kate Spade sunglasses, skinny jeans and a Fendi bag. I instantly liked her.

“Good for you, sweetie. I do the same thing with my Nordstrom’s card. And by the way,” she said with a wink, “I love your boots.”www.macys.com


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