Ever year my group of friends goes on a huge Ugly Sweater Pub Crawl. I realize that the tradition isn’t original, witty, or inspiring, but something about bedazzled Christmas trees on knit sweaters makes me laugh hysterically. Last year, I won with a hideous black sweater covered in giant colored gems. I believe someone said, “It is almost like Dolce and Gabbana made an ugly sweater about 25 years ago and somehow it ended up on you.” How Fetch! (I am on a Mean Girls kick today).
However, this year a pair of SHOES won the Ugly SWEATER competition. I am not even sure where my friend found these, but I must say they have first place written all over them. It is amazing what people will put on their feet. Actually, after perusing my closet, it is absurdly shocking what I have worn on my feet. In an effort to make room for all the good things coming in 2009, I decided to do some closet reorganizing. Here is what got the boot (pun intended):
1. Leopard Clogs: I think I have been holding onto these since Dariah was on MTV. Looking at them makes me cringe.
2. Black Shoes from Express: Yeah, that is right Express. Express hasn’t made shoes since the early 90s. I must have worn these in sixth grade.
3. Animal Slippers: Honestly, does any respectable woman wear a stuffed animal on her foot?
4. The Bargain Boot: I bought these at Payless, get more. (AKA Payless, hurt more). I wore them down the stairs once and had to stop for a band-aid to cover up my new blister.
5. Green Suede Clogs: I fear that even a leprechaun would reject these.
I placed all the shoes in a bag for the Salvation Army. That was two weeks ago. I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. I mean, who knows what 2009 will bring? Perhaps leopard clogs will be all the rage, and my Express boots will become vintage couture. And I couldn’t bare the look of those sad puppy dog eyes on the animal slippers, and I bet those Payless boots would feel better if I just broke them in a little more. Besides, I am going to Ireland for Valentines Day and I might stumble onto a pot of gold in my green suede clogs. You just never know. . .