The standard dating application shoe lovers should distribute before the all-important first date (i.e. how to tell if he’s worth dating in 9 questions or less).
Applicant’s Full Name
Shoe Size (US)
1. Please state the reason(s) for your last breakup.
2. If you were a women’s shoe, what kind would you be?
a) A flat (go anywhere, no-frills)
b) A strappy stiletto (attention-seeking)
c) A tennis shoe (athletic)
d) An old boot (sturdy and reliable)
e) A Birkenstock (comfortable and completely unconcerned with fashion)
3. Have any of your former girlfriends or their mothers ever referred to you as a “heel”?
4. How many credit cards do you have in your name?
5. Are you willing to carry me if my stilettos prove too painful to manage a wobble?
6. Can you endure shopping trips for prolonged periods of time?
7. Which side of the closet do you prefer?
8. Does it take you longer than 15 minutes to get dressed and, if so, does your place have more than one full-length mirror?
9. Which SATC character would you get along with best?: (a) Carrie, (b) Samantha, (c) Charlotte, (d) Miranda
Please attach three references, a credit report and a copy of your current immunization records.
I ATTEST THAT THESE ANSWERS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY.