Halloween in Hindsight

shoeI heart Halloween. Seriously, it’s not every night you get to dress up like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader without eliciting haughty stares in San Francisco.

This year one of the only parties worth the hype was Vintage 415’s sold-out Stay Puft soiree at Yoshi’s, benefiting the CPMC SimSurg Education Center. Good music. Good crowd. Good costumes. Both floors were swarming with glitzy show girls, temptresses from the Garden of Eden, military men, and (my favorite) one very clever Alan and scene-stealing baby Carlos from the movie The Hangover. staypuft

Getting to Yoshi’s and back again in one collective group was half the adventure (it always is). Naturally, we learned plenty of lessons along the way. If you’ll be rocking cheerleader costumes next Halloween, savor these nuggets of wisdom:

1. Do the math before deciding how high your heels should be: 6 hours x 4 girls x 10 toes each adds up to some serious whimpering at the end of the night. Don’t spend much money on snow white boots—especially since they’ll be stained with other people’s drinks by midnight. Make like a genius (me) and slip a pair of white tube socks over your boots and poke the heel out with scissors.

2. For dinner, head to Mamacita to stuff your tiny white shorts with chips and guac and whatever those delicious pink shots were, and remember that Brazen Head serves desert until 2 pm. Something in that carrot cake and fallen angel cake relieves sore little piggies from a night of abuse.

3. Appoint a squad leader to “do the honors” when you’re approached by unsavory suitors dressed like creepy characters from A Clockwork Orange. One cheer that comes to mind: “U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no al-i-bi.” Or bust out with your own rendition of “I Kissed A Ghoul And I Liked It.”

4. Plan to take a cab everywhere, preferably with a male escort dressed as a very convincing police officer. Light-reflecting pom-poms make it exponentially easier to hail a cab out from under the noses of wealthy old socialites, which come first in this city every other night of the year.

shoetube5. If you desire to be seen before the promoted parties kick off, skip the house parties to “strut the nut” (Chestnut, that is). Busting a spontaneous move from outside the window at the Mac store can provide endless entertainment. Good luck getting the very serious, non-costumed computer shoppers to look up from the display merchandise.

6. Think before dancing with a man dressed like an injured superhero. Neck and knee braces mean Velcro, which equate to shredded nylon stockings. This goes without saying: always carry a back-up pair in your bra. The fact that I also managed to fit my trusty notepad and pen, blackberry, lipstick, gloss, cash and driver’s license is worthy of its own blog, no?

7. Don’t be fooled: You can’t be completely convinced you did Halloween “right” until the following morning at The Grove when you hear the tales from the parties you never made it to, or run into friends who slept in their makeup and are still going strong, striaght out of Night Of The Living Dead.


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November 2009
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